From waking, my mood had been low. I was exhausted after the weekend. And there is the constant worry about Jon’s release. I try to think positively about it, pushing negative thoughts out of my mind. But I know they’re there lurking in my unconscious, waiting for their chance. They come out in nightmares, and leave me with this feeling of tiredness.
Sitting at computer number 3, the program had barely started, when I felt a wave of emotion, and tears running down my cheeks. I tried to stop it before she noticed, but the every vigilant Patricia picked up on it straight away. Pulling up a chair next to me, and handing me a tissue she said, “Do you want to share it with me?”
“Well, you know some of it from what I've typed in, don’t you?”
“No. It’s confidential. Only your GP gets a copy of each week’s report.”
I didn’t have the time or the inclination to give her the whole sorry saga. I simply said my son is in prison in Arizona on drugs offences. She didn’t bat a eyelid. She’s probably heard worse.
“I am sorry,” she said. “It must be really hard for you having him so far away. Do you get to visit?”
“Yes, we’ve been every year, usually at Christmas. Sometimes we’ve been twice."
"That gives a whole new meaning to holidays, eh?"
"Yes," I said, not really appreciating her humour, "but he’s due to come out in November.”
“Well that’s great. You’ll have him home for this Christmas.”
“Yes,” I said, not having the energy to tell her all the problems we’ve had securing his release. Her friendly chatter deflected my mood. She had lived in the US herself as a child and still had relatives there.
I was able to continue with session 3, which focused on common thinking errors, catching thinking errors, distraction techniques and activity scheduling. It was very helpful. Doing some mental activity is going to be my distraction technique. Instead of watching TV, I’m going to do puzzles. For my physical activity this week, I’m going to do ballroom dancing, with Dan, starting tomorrow night.
Patricia hugged me as I left, indicating a new dimension in our relationship.
Copyright © 2007 Barbara Attwood
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For a period of weeks I kept being reminded of one passage of scripture everywhere I went it seemed. Part of it was even on a marquee as I went to work one day. It's found in the Gospel of Matthew, chapter 11, verses 28 & 29: Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light." We surely need help in this life to bear burdens, and anyone coming alongside to help lightens them.
Puzzles are great! That's what we used to do after dinner when I was growing up.
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